1. A Man’s* Guide to Fighting Male Privilege


    *refers to a cis man, someone who was born with male genitalia and identifies — socially and individually — as a man.

    1. Acknowledge and admit that male privilege exists.
    2. Acknowledge and admit that you have personally benefited from male privilege in the past — even if you never intended to.
    3. Understand that merely having a penis does not automatically make someone a man — just having a vagina does not automatically make someone a woman. If you encounter someone with female genitalia who identifies as male, treat them as male.
    4. Understand that male privilege and white privilege — while separate things — do have some societal overlap, particularly in social status, educational opportunities, and in many cases, pay.
    5. Watch what you say. What you might consider a harmless joke could, in fact, harmfully reinforce societal gender stereotypes. Jokes centered around sex or gender are seldom funny and often unnecessary.
    6. Watch what you think. The more you understand male privilege, the easier it will be to see in virtually every aspect of your life. Once our thinking changes, behavior changes become much easier to enact.
    7. Do not hold a woman’s sexual behavior against her — particularly if the same behavior in your life would be celebrated. Her five sexual partners should be no different than your five sexual partners.
    8. Do not belittle a woman’s opinions or beliefs, simply because she is a woman. She is every bit your intellectual equal. Also, if she confides a problem to you, do not belittle her emotions.
    9. Do not belittle or ignore your own emotions. Being a man does not mean you’re unfeeling. Emotions are a part of the human experience, regardless of what you have between your legs or what gender you identify as.
    10. Don’t be afraid to speak up when you see someone exhibiting male-privilege behavior. Even if it’s one of your friends, and he told a joke, don’t let it slide. That silence is part of what’s allowed male privilege to become so entrenched into society.
    11. Understand that a man being in love with another man does not make him feminine; it makes him in love with another man. Projecting the “feminine” mark to gay men belittles not just the men, but cis women as well, because in your mind, someone “feminine” is lesser than you.
    12. Understand that feminism is not about women wanting to be better than men in society; it means they’re fighting for equal footing. Employment, sexual status, the right over one’s own body — feminists are not trying to take away what’s yours; they’re simply trying to be more equal.
    13. Do not ignore criticism should you exhibit behavior consistent with male privilege. If you say something sexist, and someone calls you out on it, consider what they say. Do not brush it off as feminist or over-sensitive — that itself is an example of male privilege.

    I’m sure there are more, but these are the ones foremost in my mind. Feel free to add your own.

  2. transcouchnetwork:


    Hi! I just started a tumblr, the Transgender Couchsurfing Network.  After seeing dozens of posts come across my dash about displaced or homeless trans people needing places to crash, I decided that there had to be a way to organize these posts somehow, and to put those in need in contact with those willing to lend a hand.  If you’re trans and need a place to stay, or if you have a couch or floor or spare bedroom available for someone in need, I urge you to reblog this post, follow the blog, and get the word out.  Everything is still under heavy construction, but the more people that see and hear about this blog, the more people will be able to benefit from it!  I know that there are so many people here on tumblr who are in need of a place to stay for a night or two, and I also know how many amazing, wonderful people would be willing to host someone and help out a trans person in need.  We all know what a huge problem unemployment and homelessness are for trans people (especially TPOC and trans women) — even a place to stay for a night can make the biggest difference!  So PLEASE, even if you can’t offer up your couch, REBLOG AND SIGNAL BOOST.  I really, really think that this is something that could help a lot of people, and I would LOVE to see this spammed all over my dash and the dashes of all of my lovely followers!!

  3. Why I Just Got Tested and You Should Too: Polyamory and STD Testing


    Imagine the web of people you have vicariously slept with through your other partners.

    Imagine how it keeps extending, becoming more complicated and convoluted.

    Imagine the moments when any of these lovers, out of passion, forgot protection.

    Imagine the moments when they had their hearts broken by a partner that lied to them, or denied information, about sexual involvement with another person.

    Imagine how long it would take for news of an STD somewhere in that web to reach you.

    It take 5 minutes to get tested for HIV. 20 minutes to have a broad spectrum STD test. The majority of that time is spent waiting, filling out consent forms, or listening to the basic “we have to tell everyone this” stuff about test results and counseling. You wait 1-2 weeks for your results. You inform your partners. You get treated for anything you have (if anything).

    STD testing is important for everyone regardless of race, gender identity, or sexual orientation. All forms of sexual contact can spread STDs. People involved with multiple partners increase their risk due to the development of this web of vicarious lovers. Especially in circumstances of non-penetrative sex contact where people normally don’t even think about protection.

    If you don’t want to get testing done at the doctor’s office because you’re afraid of being judged/shamed, results being reported to insurance, or another personal reason, look into community testing resources in your area. Almost all are free, many provide the medications for treatment free or at a discounted cost, and you will not be judged. Almost all community testing resources are 100% confidential, except having to report numbers to Health Departments, and in some circumstance of particular STDs, report to your previous partners that they were exposed to someone with that STD. The reporting to previous partners often involves a phone call requesting they get themselves tested, and no name disclosure. 

    As a rule of thumb: Get tested prior to engaging in sexual activity with any new partner, and at minimum get tested once a year as part of a yearly health exam. Know what the warning signs of STDs look like. Know what they look like if your partners are affected.

    Afraid of needles? The majority of STD tests are 98% accurate when non-needle, blood free, minimally invasive methods are used (urine sample, cervical swab, vaginal swab,  cheek swab).

    In order to prevent STDs, always use protection. If you think you’re going to be in a circumstance where it would be inconvenient to use protection and you have a vagina or anus that’s going to be used for sex, consider an internal condom (also known as a vaginal or “female” condom). These can be placed in the body cavity and left for up to 6-8 hours prior.

    There have been recent reports of STD forms of bacterial necrotizing fasciitis infections in the San Francisco area of the United States, and new reports are popping up all over the country and world in previously unaffected areas.

    Show your partners, your partners’ partners, and everyone in your life that you may have sexual contact with that you care about the health of yourself and those around you. Please, take the time to get tested and protect those around us that we love.

    One of the easiest ways to show people we love them is to respect our health and their own.

    If you need help acquiring information on STD testing, no matter where you are, send us a message. If you have any questions about protecting yourself and your partners, please ask - L works in a health care facility and provides education and counseling on STDs as well as having a history of healthcare training. P has bachelors degree in Public Health and can provide help as well. Sadly, we cannot provide medical advice beyond very basic educational information.

    Love Infinite and Best Wishes for the Health of Everyone in Our Community,

    Fuck Yeah Polyamory 

    I don’t need to imagine this. It happened to me.  Please, get tested, as often as is sensible.

About me

Kirsten. Forty-something. Fat. Married.
Queer, kinky, poly.
Not exactly sure what I'm doing here - but as near as I can figure, neither can anyone else. :-P